Hello and welcome. My name is Max. I write fiction.

I very recently finished my first novel. It's a neo-noir crime comedy that unfolds over the course of one muggy and violent Midwest afternoon.

I've also completed a new collection of short fiction. A release date is still pending on both of these works, but if you type your email address in below, you'll be the first to read them. If you don't type in your email address below, there's no telling what could happen.

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Now that you've prevented disaster (for now), you can read Thirst, a story of mine Chicago Public Radio recently published and recorded. In the opening line, the world ends. To find out what happens after, you can read/listen here

Then you can move on to McSweeney's.net and read about my very first, very exclusive writing class. 

"What kind of credentials do you have to be leading a class," you say? "None," I say. Unless Amazon Reviews are anything to go by (the agents I repeatedly query say they aren't), then I have a half-decent collection of short fiction out there called We Can't Go Home Again, and I'm also the creator of the online episodic graphic novel, Dislocated

My favorite animals are Godzilla, Bigfoot, and the Giant Squid.

I was once a background actor on television and met P. Diddy on the set of C.S.I. Miami. I told him I loved his work in there. I lied.

My hometown was listed as one of Buzzfeed's 12 Bleakest Places on Earth.

I don't take candy from strangers, but I do talk to them. You can read their stories on iAmYourNeighbor.com.

I eloped with a woman I met on Twitter while traveling across the country. I was broke and homeless when we met, and still broke and homeless when we married. I wrote a memoir about this, and maybe one day you'll get to read that too if you signed up.

What do you mean you didn't sign up? Whatever you do, DO NOT click that little arrow at the bottom of the screen without putting your email address in first. 

I don't have any children, but my wife and I do take our cats to the park on a leash.

And my biggest regret in life is not considering a scorned lover's ability to later leave Amazon reviews.